Miss Congeniality After School Life

Alone

2011-05-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

Alone

I feel all alone. When I see couples being really sweet to each other, I am lost for words that can express my feelings. I tried to ignore. When I do see it again, my heart shook and tears rolled from my eyes. Nights after nights oh God, haven’t I cried enough? My pillows are soaked in tears of the ache of longing for someone to love. I do not understand why I ache that much. This isn’t something I can’t live without. Many singles survived. Why can’t I? Why do I long for that someone so much? I do not understand, God. The pain seems too much for me.

I know it clearly that only Your love satisfy the most. I actually do not need anyone else, when I have You. I just don’t understand why I’m aching so much whenever it comes to this issue.
This post was birth at the moment when I saw a picture on Mr. Brown’s blog. This is ridiculous and heartbreaking at the same time.

Why do I need sunglasses? To shade away my tears..

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2011-03-30T19:31:00.000-07:00

2010-02-17T05:54:00.000-08:00

My Walk. Although I might not be a fan of the sports of football, I'm about to give an analogy to do with it. There's one thing that football teams does after their match, without fail; to evaluate their match. How more important is it for us to evaluate our walk with God.

Hunger. Recently, I've been really hungry for the Word. I read in Scriptures, on Biblegateway, on Web sources, books, etc. I myself am surprised. Precisely, when the Holy Spirit wants a hold of you, He makes you come to Him.

For the past 7months, I've been seeking Him. I just want more and more of Him and less of me. Looking back, I could see His work in my life; the transformation I could never imagine. I could discern better and have a better perspective of life. It doesn't mean that my life was really smooth without a trace of challenge. Life goes on. I still get scolded occassionally from my seniors, parents, and I still ran into uncommon people that gives me trouble. Well, it happens. However, what had change was my response. My responding-emotions to these circumstances. God mould my emotions! And I actually look at these situations differently.

Having said that, this doesn't mean that I'm there and I can sit back relax and need no more of the Bible, of church, etc. That's not true! I'm still constantly working on surrendering my all to Him, dying to self, and stepping into obedience for Him. I can never say that I'm there and forever will I be there. Truth be told. God is working on us everyday, and what He needs is our submissive spirit & attitude. Why does He work on us? Truth to be told: There's something really special in us that He has created, and He wants to work on it in our lives, because He loves us! (You must be smiling when you read this!) =)

2009-11-14T05:57:00.000-08:00

Mini Birthday Outing with Sister since she'll be away in camp during my actual day.

Mini treat for myself....a new dress:

Inside the christmas tree:

Into the bells:

2009-10-16T19:49:00.001-07:00

Glitter Word Generator

2009-09-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

How much is enough?

Trying to fight between the walls of fillial piety and practicality.

I wished I could give her paradise, but I also know at the back of my mind that it wouldn't do her very good. I wished I could spoil her, but I knew I shouldn't. And what's more I don't have enough to please what she asks for. From a new employee's point of view, only earning her first 2 months' pay, how much can she give?

Unless God gives me another fortune. My job is already a fortune from Him. Is there another to satisfy her? I asked for another fortune to fulfill faith promises and mission promises, but not to quench someone's thirst. Please Lord, tell me what's right? How much is enough? 1/3 of my salary for her that she's asking, is that reasonable? Is it reasonable for me to struggle through even my meals?

I've not spent anything on clothes, cosmetics, etc from my first pay. Except for a mini-handphone pouch which cost me less than 10 bucks.

Fillial piety or reality? Lord, You know best how much I need, and the limit I should place in giving. Why doesn't dad has a problem to how much I give?

2009-09-27T06:41:00.000-07:00

I'm so so in-love with his voice after seeing his appearance!

2009-09-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

Suffocated. Feeling kinda worried for the week ahead. There is so much to do and I'm not sure if I can complete it on time. The week is piled up with duties of stock take, my own few jobs, and also an outjob. Wow..God, help me speed up at my work so that I can contribute better.

Work aside. I guess I've learnt to let go of certain things as I look around me. When I see others being picked to do special items like a duet, solo, etc, I began to look at the person next to me; Ginny was still smiling happily as she sang her parts alongside with the others. Her husband, Theodore, whom used to be our rockstar for Father's Love, was also enjoying the singing in the choir. There's nothing to fight for. Just enjoy. If Mr.Brown can do so in humility for God, so should I.

At the same time, instead of letting "voices" to inform me of my inadequacy as a singer, I should just improve and enjoy improving and exploring. Linda has a great sense of imitating the "voice of the evil", and they really sounded familiar. It takes one who has walked a long path to know them all well. So I understand why I do have these thoughts and voices I hear occassionally. All I have to do is shut them out with the WORD of God! Cool right? That's for all who believes in Christ!

2009-09-18T21:53:00.000-07:00

I was really angry last morning, despite my cheerful spirit as there will be a long weekend after today. I held onto the handrail with my right hand and came this china man who pushes me away so that he could grab onto it as well. Since I wasn't that weak to be pushed away, he tried something else. His other hand came over to hold onto the handrail with his fingers slightly carressing my hand again and again. For a moment, I thought was this really happening? There were so many people on the MRT, and he's doing this? But no one actually bothered to tell him off. After a while I moved away from the handrail and have no more body contact with that person. But as I was leaving the handrail, he used his elbow to rub against my arm.

I seriously should have just scolded him. But where was my courage? Dratz. I felt that I should have done something which I failed to do. Tight slap that person. Oh dear..

2009-09-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

Thank God. ZhuJie came for Chinese service this morning! I asked to step down in order to be her host at the 2nd service. I was really challenging trying to speak to her in mandarin, as she's from mainland China. Well, I've learnt alot. Haha!

Bringing her down to the reception felt alittle different as I've not done that before. However, I'm amazed at how Pastor Patsy speaks and explains with analogies in mandarin. I'm so proud of her. There's alot I can learn from her! Haha.. Zhu Jie is really a sweet girl. She felt really paiseh that the church kept giving her gifts as it was her first time. Haha. Right from the start of the service where the pastor invited new-faces to rise up, she felt really shy; however, Pastor Kelvin was sharp enough to notice the grins on our faces and knew that she's a newcomer. So he had everyone to welcome her. Hahahhaha....The more we try to hide, we tend to be more exposed! Haha.

Though she's still deciding abt her decision after the illustration of the bridge diagram, we believe her heart's open. Thank God!

I've no idea what's wrong with blogger.com

2009-09-06T01:05:00.000-07:00

Oh well....I should not allow the HTML errors on blogger.com to be an excuse for not blogging. I'll just update this blog of mine despite looking at the "ugly" looking courier fonts meant for HTML settings rather than pure blogging past-time.

However, I'm not able to upload any pictures as blogger.com's error has malfunctioned the upload icon. Dished....It's alright. I'm still breathing while I stare at those funny looking fonts. I don't really fancy courier fonts as you see.. It makes me feel like I'm typing a very formal business Sales Invoice. Ah..Hope you guys understand.

I'm glad I could still meet up with Yanru for lunch once a week, since our offices are one MRT stop apart. Haha! She usually has to take a train down to meet me, as my lunch constraints are stricter than hers. Sorry Yanru, for making you walk a long path towards Amara for a better feast. Next time we'll go somewhere nearer the MRT right?

I'm still adjusting to my first job ever. Facing a superior with high expectations and blunt comments was really horrendous on my Monday. I broke down then and called up John, Carrie, Waikay, etc. Only Waikay was available. Thank God! I needed someone I could talk to after the episode of brokenness. It makes me come to a point knowing I can't do anything without God. Building my foundation in Christ requires Faith! I just found out this morning. Maybe I haven't dwelled longer into finding out about how to build my foundation in Christ; otherwise I would have found out earlier. But well, it's not too late to know now. At least, I can work on it from now on.

God is good. When I felt that I'm alone, no one to talk to after service, He provided Rachael, Johnson, Kevin, Linda, etc. After all fellowship, I made my way to the bus-stop thinking it's me and myself with God walking on a whole stretch of concrete pavement. Then I spotted a pretty lady on bus no.8, and she looked at me and waved. Haha! It was Dolly! That's nice. To meet someone unexpectedly. I'm not alone! Not bcoz of Dolly, but it's bcoz God's always blessing me with people (relationships) along the way whenever I thought I'm alone.

2009-08-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

I came closer so that I can know so and so. But when we are so close, we felt like strangers. Trying to break into their clique can be tiring and heartrending. Sometimes I thought I knew them. But sometimes, I just felt do I really know them? Felt like strangers, though we stand in the same environment sharing oxygen. Sigh.

I guess I should stop trying to know people anymore. It's just tiring. I'll just stick to my friends whom I really know. And stop trying to mix around to befriend more people. I'll still welcome the newbies. But I will not attempt to go beyond. It just proves tiring and heartbreaking.

I thought I knew him a few years back. But somehow, now, I don't seem to know him. It felt like I never knew this person ever. It's just so cold the relationship can be. When I speak, it seems like he isn't listening. Sometimes I felt like I'm invisible, esp in crowds. Where friends mingle and talk, and I'll just shut-up and look around. Probably find a corner to hide and be with myself.

Why am I always with big crowds but still feel so lonely? Bcoz I don't really know anyone. Sigh.... I'm really afraid to be alone. Lord You know that. I'm so afraid to be alone. I cannot be alone. DOn't leave me..I know I still do unpleasant stuff, but Lord I can't live without You. I need You alot. Tell me what's wrong. Is there something wrong with me? Why aren't people talking to me? Why aren't people listening to me? Am I a freak? Do I appear freaky? Lord Jesus, I wanna hide under Your coat.

2009-08-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

2009-08-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

:: First Meeting :: First Client Out-job ::

Was feeling really nervous at the meeting. But also felt excited. I asked my colleagues what should I bring for meeting. They were very helpful. Haha! I've entered the corporate world; I still belong to God. I see God's favor!

After lunch, took a cab down to the east of the east from International Plaza, to conduct outjob audit. Wow! I didn't expect the office to be quite posh, though it's SME. Pantry is open for us! Haha. OK...this shows I'm really a newbie. The client was quite nice and cooperative. Thank God for giving me courage to ask from client documents they did not provide. Also learnt from my senior how to persuade the client to produce document that they complained to be a hassle to draft out for us. Rationalise with accounts relationship and FRS in a polite manner and helpful tone. Cool!

The hassle was to bring a LARGE luggage bag from office to client's place with the documents needed to vouch, work on, etc. And also to bring them back. All happened with the help of taxi transport. I felt like I was on some business trip, pulling the luggage bag around. Haha! Quite cool too at the same time.

:: Started Work 030809 ::

2009-08-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

Started work this week as an auditor in an audit firm. Haha. My dept is surprisingly a really youthful group of people. Feels like campus cell. Haha. Work hasn't reached the peak yet, but I could feel the heaviness is slowly coming closer. Haha.

Being KS at work. I had to run home after work to revise my FR and POA stuff. Several stuff I've been rusty about...need revision. Slowly picking up my rusty memory. Need of ginko leaves and vitamin B complex. Haha..

At least this is a good ground that God has placed me to learn, grow and shine. I could see His plans. Thank you Jesus! I know each day why You place me here.

Alright...shall snap pictures of office the next few days....for now....nothing....haha.

2009-07-30T09:24:00.000-07:00

Pictures So Far.....

2009-07-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry Lord Jesus. You provided for me, but I still complained. I will learn to be thankful all of my days, for all You've done for me, and all You are providing. I know that You have plans to prosper me and groom me. I don't want to become a complainer. I want to be Thankful.

Thank you Lord for so many things. For making blogger well again, that I can thank You on my blog. For healing me from food-poisoning within less than a day. For healing my mum from food-poisoning. For giving me good friends and godly friends to talk to me and teach me. For not forsaking me even when I've done wrong many times. For blessing me with offers/sales for skirts, etc.

Thank You Lord Jesus for everything. It's the most wonderful thing I've heard today. I told John that You must be really sad now, that I've complained about the things You provided me. And John replied, God will be happy when you talk to Him. I almost teared. Jesus, I cannot find someone 50% similar to You. Thank You Lord Jesus. Make me Christ-like. Your love in me is a wonderful blessing. Let Your love within me overflow to the people around me, that they also can be blessed and they'll know that Your love is marvellous!!

Praise God from whom, all blessings flow. Praise Him, all creatures here below. Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father Son, and Holy Ghost.......Amen.

2009-07-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

A moment of thanksgiving! Always.
A moment to trust in Him. Always.

So many things to learn out of a sudden. Responsibilities.

I'm praying that the CC event will be led by God. God, teach me how to organise events in Your direction and for Your purpose. Teach me also how to be graceful and pastoral to the people I guide. Teach me how to handle household responsibilities that I'll be taking over pretty soon. Teach me..teach me Your ways.

2009-07-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

Praise God!

1)A job in Auditing! A profession I wanted all along.
2)Healing from food poisoning on Friday. After receiving prayers during the session before jam & also did take some pills. Now I need to keep my mum in prayer as she is still recovering from the food poisoning that I went through on Friday. She takes longer to recover as she's aging. But I know that God will heal her completely. Amen!
3)Learning new things from Him, the Father.

2009-07-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what's wrong with blogspot.com. It seems that I can't upload any pictures and can't enter entries with better fonts than this. Why so?

:: His Providence ::

2009-07-19T19:28:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how God works. It's assuring and encouraging!

During the 1.5 months, I somehow had to urgency to hunt and hunt. But at the same time, I somehow knew that it will come, and I should just relax. Haha. And yes, God provided!

Now I'm hence looking for office wear. But I was advised not to buy so much. So far I only bought 3pieces. And will try to mix and match with the other clothes that I already have. Haha. Shoes will be something I need to buy, because I really don't have. Haha!

2009-07-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Take Things Easy

Now these 3 words are haunting me. I heard it from Kat. I saw it in her smses. I saw it on a stranger's T-shirt this morning. Woah.. And I told Kat about it. And perhaps really really, God is telling me that.

Dear Grace,
You don't have to worry about tomorrow or plan for tomorrow. I'm planning it for you! So go with My flow.. Enjoy life. Take things easy!

Yours,
Jesus

Thank you God for revealing each an everyday of areas You want me to mould. This clay is undergoing seriously moulding. Phew..

Thank you God that You're providing me unexpectedly. Thank God for a friend I met at TBG and for unexpected offers. Cool! Go with His flow. Hehe..

:: Articulating Myself from Another Person ::

2009-07-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

To hear my deep thoughts from another person kind of make me feel vulnerable, yet it gives me the urgency to rectify the problem.

I had a good time chatting with Kat this evening, though we met really late. And we have our dinner only at 8.30pm. Haha. As we sat down facing the BIG SEA at the top levels at Vivocity, that's where the sharing gets deeper. In fact, I didn't really share alot. But Kat kept telling me and revealing to me what I'm feeling on the inside. Till the point I stopped and asked her, "Who are you? Why are you articulating my feelings? How do you even know them?".

Kat just replied that it's what she sensed and see. Haha..and she said "Who are you? Haha...I'm "God"...haha". Very funny ah she. She said that I don't appear weak but I do not appear happy. And I paused, and looked away. I wanted to cry. It's quite bad to hear your feelings from someone else. Yeah. I think so. She asked am I really unhappy? Yeah, it's true. I told her I'm working on how to let God take control of my emotions, and not let situations/people/etc do so. And she said, maybe I've been working on it the wrong way. Hmm, then wad's the correct way?

Kat also identified to me that I do appear that I'm afraid to be alone, with no company. And it looks like I try and try alot to attract people to me. And she said if I keep doing so, people would feel uneasy and it'll shun them away from me instead of attracting them to me. And this is a VICIOUS CYCLE. Hmm, sounds real. And she said this cycle has to be broken, and it has to start with me. Ok. And I got to have the joy of the Lord in me. Because I often look really stern and angry, and that would desert people from me. Am I? It's a 3rd party's view, and it's usually quite accurate.

I met up with Kat also to ask for advice and directions about dance, and the line to draw, and what am I supposed to do with it. After a while, Kat said that I'm thinking really alot and really too much. Yes, we do plan, but sometimes we have to just relax and enjoy life. Let God lead and show up. Let go, Let God. And immediately, I told Kat, "oh my...why is it this four words again...". She laughed and said, "If you've been hearing it again and again, then maybe God is trying to tell you that. Let go, let God". Hmm, why is it I don't really like to hear those words. And about drawing the line to what moves are considered sleazy and what moves are acceptable, it all has to do with the discernment from God. True. That's one of John's points too. WRUD (Wisdom, Revelation, Understanding, Discernment).

About dance. Continue improving and let God show my 어머니 that dance isn't what she thinks it is. In fact it is an expression about God's love and our expression towards His love. All humans need love to survive.

:: Un-nee ::

2009-07-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

This is a sweet scene from BOF. Gu Jun Hee Un-nee is really sisterly in this role. =)

:: 梁文音-我不是你想像那麼勇敢 ::

2009-07-05T02:48:00.000-07:00

The MV is cute. Because, different ones went up to the receptionist to ask for their Lost Items. And their Lost Items are things like Courage, Smile, First Love, Determination, etc. Isn't it strange? What makes them think that this receptionist has all those that they've lost. Shouldn't they seek God for all of these. Bcoz that's the only way to seek all they've lost.

:: Can't Explain ::

2009-07-05T02:15:00.000-07:00

When I finally got home, and hear my mum quarrelling with my dad again....initially I thought to myself, "Oh well...this isn't the first time". Then as I laid my head on the bed, there came an unexplanable fear. The fear of killing, the fear of destruction, the fear of violence suddenly welled up in me. And I couldn't sleep. My heart raced, I felt weak. I called upon the Lord Jesus. Jesus come, do something, remove my fears for they are not given by You. Take Lordship, take ownership.

Then I felt better.

Today's worship was great. Unexplainable. I kept pressing and asking God for His presence. Why is it I still don't feel Him? Till tears welled up and I felt the call to step into the place of His intimacy and not keep stand outside His door. Ok! During the second service, there was a point where there was free worship and I just felt led to start singing "I Love You, Lord. And I lift my voice. To worship You...." and start singing it to myself and enjoying His presence. Then suddenly, P.Gary started singing "I Love You, Lord. And I lift my voice. To worship You...." and I just felt the entire atmosphere went up to a higher level. Oh my oh my.. And I couldn't stop thanking God for His assurance of my connection with Him; because I kept telling Him, "Please, don't be angry with me". Wosh. Goosebumps.

:: What am I Dreaming again? ::

2009-07-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

What am I dreaming again? Can you please leave me alone, and stop appearing in my dreams? Please..It's already difficult enough for me get over you, but why do you still have to make things more difficult?

Dream: I went to the counter to register for I don't know what event. And there K**F** suddenly popped his head out at the counter and saying, "GRACE! I've been looking for you........". What? Even I myself am stunned in the dream. I was like, eh...ok?

Dream Part 2: I don't know why my mind makes the dreams move. For a moment when I saw the ground abit flooded, I wished that there wasn't a severe flood, THEN came the horrible waves of flood moving towards my directions. Then again, I thought, this isn't as bad as the one I saw in THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, THEN came the REALLY BIG WAVES and the entire building was covered with coral blue waters, and I felt suffocated in the waters. I was submerged in the waters and couldn't really swim out, bcoz it's a building. Then that's where I called upon the Lord Jesus to save me, and I kept slapping myself to say "Time to wake up!!!".

Didn't really understand my dreams. Well, anyways. Had a great time with Rachael today at Lot1 and AMK, though we didn't plan to meet at all. I've sort of listed out my groom plan and would start to see how I can go about doing it, and who can I approach to be my mentor in those areas. 7months single hood starts offcially yesterday! haha.

1) Foundation: countenance, security
2) Job preparation: facing the challenges
3) Dance: how can I use it for God's glory
4) Dressing: knowing myself, what suits me better
5) Vocal: training in musical inclination, how can I use it for God's glory, song writing
6) Evangelism: chinese, missions

:: Eun Hye, 너 미쳤니 ? ::

2009-07-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

Last night's dream: What was I thinking? Why did I feel sort of troubled when I heard K**F** playing my song? I actually came up to him and asked, how did he get to know this song. And the reply was so...wierd. He said that R****** showed him my song. I felt my knees went to the ground, and I bowed my head and 울 . Why would I do that? And Ellen said, she knew this would happened. What?

Reality: Why would I even feel troubled? I would have only been surprised and would like to find out. And more over, I wouldn't 울 about it. What's there to 울 about? There's nothing to be upset about. Why do I feel that way in my dream?

Foundation: Why do I always long for an elder 여자 형제? When I see that others are strong, I would admire them and want to learn from them. Why is this so? Actually, all of these lies into one reason. My foundation. I am my Maker's, and my Maker is in me. My Maker is my foundation. However, when a clay wants to become something else that the Potter is making, the shape will be distorted. Then the potter has to remake it but cutting the edges. It'll be more painful. Why don't we be obedient and let Him mould it the way He want to? It'll be less painful, and lesser effort of striving and pursuing is needed. If my foundation is strong, and I know that I'm strong in Him, burnt at 1300 degrees, craved, bent, etc, I do not need an elder 여자 형제. I can stop admiring the many elders who portray outstanding traits which were given by Him. Come to the Father. That's the answer. The way. The only way.

Eun Hye: Why is it so coincidental that my name in Korean is Eun Hye? And this korean actress acted in Coffee Prince. Eh..ay..ah..nevermind. I thought I could have completely wipe him off my memory, but I guess the stain has not been removed.

Chinese Ministry: Why do I feel like going there? Each time I would pop by to listen to their songs and I would feel so warm on the inside, and sometimes I cry. As I was thinking of it, something came to my mind. What can I do for the chinese min? WRITE SONGS! I just recalled that I started writing chinese songs since 14. My classmates were puzzled at how I wrote songs, and they enjoyed hearing me. But, I didn't progress after that for some years, as I thought this is just getting no where. Studies came first. Until now, the songs I write, the chords, are all in tune to chinese melody. Going down the scale. 1645, 1734. Haha. I'll still pray about it, before I approach anyone about this.

:: Emulate Role Model ::

2009-06-30T08:28:00.000-07:00

Laughing at myself. How can I emulate someone whom I only saw a performance of? I may not know inside out personally. But what I see in the character during the performance I can learn from there. Confidence, charisma, independent and firm.

I've also been up to looking for better clothes for my size. And hence it was fun exploring!!

The Big Groove 2009

2009-06-29T00:30:00.000-07:00

WOW! It was an eye-opening session. It was truly my first time watching such concerts. We had to queue almost for 30mins before entering into the Expo Hall 1. And that was where I had my exams. For a moment, walking it seems kinda stressful yet different. Bcoz inside are no tables and chairs with the LARGE CLOCK to check time. I went into a whole greater atmosphere of people cheering, excited, laughing, snacking away. Inside was quite dark, so we had to find seats really properly. The whole Hall looks SO COOL! It has black curtains, large spot lightings, so many cameras everywhere. And there's Nathaniel Ho who is seated within our midst. Haha!

Didn't have the chance to snap pictures because I had to leave earlier. Well nevermind. At least the guo-chen was great. =)

:: Spending time ::

2009-06-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

It was really fun going out with Esther, then came Trina. And towards 5.30pm, Waikay and Nicky appeared as well. Haha!! We had fun laughing at each other, running through NTUC, and searching for space in Food Court.

Cool. Hanging out with friends in my home town, Jurong Point. So awesome.

Was enjoying the mini-extra lunch set at Delifrance. Croissant eye mayo plus mash potatoes, etc. Bcoz both esther and I can't eat solid foods for the next few weeks. Hence, we're eating really soft foods. Haha!! I had to force myself to eat yong tau fu during dinner. Which I don't like its plain-est.

But was fun hanging out at the bus berth waiting for the bus 157 and kept singing there like no body's biz. Haha!! Fun time watching dance videos with Trina on her ipod. haha.

:: LCC ::

2009-06-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

I guess I'll have to wait for another YWA. At least this round my mum's disapproving because of a valid reason, about H1N1. And I don't wanna rebel and argue further. I've prayed about it. Anyway, if she changed her mind next 2days, it's still lai-de-ji.

This season I've been shown to the different areas I need breakthrough and need to overcome. Yay! I've been working on it. Though sometimes I still struggle alittle with my emotions. And had to kept speaking in tongues and pray in alignment.

Yay! This afternoon will be so fun. I'm meeting up with Esther and Trina at Jurong Point. They'll be my two fashion advisors. Haha! No la. We'll just do random shopping and sit down for a chat. John will also join in at 5pm, before we dapao good food for our cell at his place. We'll then sing aug-ang-syng to Rachael and MinMin.

I'll miss MinMin alot!! She's one sensible girl whom I enjoy talking to. We shall meet up again for her birthday. I enjoy those train rides with her, where I can spend time talking to her and hearing her opinions and looking at her expressions. Haha!

Guess we all move to a new area of growth. It'll be better. "Better in time" by Leona Lewis, who sang "we will all be better in time".

Yay! This Sunday's TBG! Jiayous to all the international crews! Go for it. I'll cheer you on! Hopefully after the show there'll be time for photo taking with them. Hehe...

I'm so blessed by the IGNYTERS last night! Cool. They did their best. Could tell all were nervous. NErves are good! Made them do their best. And I felt that Lewis kinda sounded like P.Dom in his accent. Haha. I also like the ripples, waves, moonwalk, popping that was done by Ben! He's really good at it. I've seen him done those moves during the FL's audition, and all of us just kept laughing. I guess Kat remembered those talents of him, and gave him the chance to add value to this performance. Pwah..that was like 2years ago. Good good!! In God's timing you'll perform! Jiayou Ben!!

:: Need God ::

2009-06-23T04:38:00.000-07:00

Dear God, tell me whether is it Your will for me to go for the YA Camp. My parents aren't approving becoz of H1N1. I don't want them to worry for me. And I know if You want me to go, I will come back safely for sure. Let me know God, whether You want me to receive something from that camp. Show me Your glory Lord! Show me signs!

I'm appalled that Joyce's friend (Kenneth) has already paid for the camp when he signed up for herself and me. Oh dear. If I can't go, I have to ask Melissa to replace me, otherwise I have to pay him for a forgone trip. I'm quite upset within me. But I somehow know that things are gonna be fine. In what way I still don't know. Will I be able to go or not, I still do not know. Show me Your way Lord! How can I go to Malacca?

God.....I need You. The suspense of my parents approval is making me sick. Tomorrow I'm meeting Adeline and Emma for lunch. I want to smile and bring them joy, so that Emma smiles too. Help me God.

My new blogskin I hope will last. And not be defeated by commercial claims.

:: Contemporary Worship Dance hangouts ::

2009-06-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

:: Shoo Obstacles! ::

2009-06-21T06:17:00.000-07:00

I want to go for YA camp in Malacca. I've checked the statistics on the net. Malacca has no H1N1, but mum still doesn't want me to go. I'm praying that God, You know that whether I will get that virus or not. If it's Your will that I won't get that virus, I pray that You will assure mum that I'll be fine, and won't pull the family down into sickness. I pray Lord that You'll impart favor, faith, trust, hope in their lives. If it's Your will for me to go, make way for me to go Lord. SHOW ME YOUR GLORY. SHOO AWAY THE OBSTACLES.

Lord Jesus, You've already shown me Your glory this afternoon, as I visited my paternal grandma in NUH. She miraculously repeated the sinner's prayer with me in mandarin. I can't believe myself speaking the sinner's prayer in mandarin. It's really my first time, and it sounded really broken. Haha! But AMen to that. Continue to seal her salvation in her life! Let her have a divine encounter with You!!

Continue to show me Your glory!

:: Dancing for God ::

2009-06-15T00:34:00.000-07:00

I'm so so impressed and amazed at how the instructor used dance as a language to worship God, and also interpreting how God speaks to us.

We realised that many times when we lead God lead us into dancing for Him, while listening to a christian song, we're led to do a certain move or steps. Then we were taught to pause and ask God what does that step mean; what is God saying to us? It can be surrender, God is everything, rising up, lifting up, etc.

Cool! Certain moves the instructeress showed, she explained the meaning behind the moves. Eg, leaving down the baggages to God and the Cross, and then moving away from them. Wow! But I kept losing my balances after I moved back. Alamak. Bcoz it's also a kind of ballet move which I am new to.

We kept praying half way through as we were dancing. We prayed for breakthrough we wanna experience. And then we did the moves that signifies breakthrough. Which made the moves look really strong, even it's a delicate and simple 4steps.

I even saw guys who were so so passionate for God, even when they looked really scary for a start bcoz they're fierce looking. Zhui look. That's cool. The guys are dance coaches in their churches. And there's a girl who looks really like Hilary Duff. Haha!!

:: Status ::

2009-06-12T23:36:00.000-07:00

I'm staying SINGLE for the next 7 MONTHS.

For God to mould me and prepare my heart, my physical health, and my soul.
Help me Lord, not to be tempted during these 7 months, even if someone really good comes up to me and ask the question. Teach me how to reject.

:: God, Take My Plane on A Trip::

2009-06-11T10:08:00.000-07:00

I am your paper plane. Take me, take me God on a trip that You've marked out for this season. Show me how You handled the storms, and prevented them from damaging my paper plane. Show me also what do You think of my paper plane. Haha. Show me also where my paper plane can go to. Show me how to fly with other paper planes around me too. Show me that all paper planes are unique, cannot be measured with comparison, just like an apple can't be compared with an orange for they are of different species. Show me that You always take care of my paper plane because You love me, and You had made my paper plane so that You can love me.

:: Going in God's Confidence ::

2009-06-08T06:12:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling quite nervous yet excited about this Wednesday. Thank God for the opening and opportunity. I shouldn't underestimate God's providence and favor. Amen! But I don't put God in a box, to ask Him for that one and only place and job. I believe He has already planned everything.

I prayed that God will send me the interview only when I'm ready for it. Hence I believe that I'm already ready for the interview. But I'm also doing my part these days to read up, practise, etc.

Thank God for such nice managers from my internship company to send my advices in the email on areas I should take note on. I'm so so touched!!!!!

:: Break It ::

2009-05-31T03:54:00.000-07:00

As frustrated as I was in the morning. I hold my cool, as I had to meet Regina and Sandie with ChingFeng who gave us a ride to PL; as it wasn't their fault for what I'm feeling. Just as I wanted to rest and have a peaceful morning, when I stepped into the toilet hoping there was no one, but I was wrong. There were voices and physical humans.

I tried not to let my overly grown frustration be thrown out against people I meet after my toilet trip. I tried to converse alittle with Hwee and Trina. Just as I thought I should step back and have nothing to do with anything in the morning, Hwee suddenly asked me to lead warm-up. I was like, "Eh....Okay". (Even if I had enjoyed doing so, but somehow I believe I shouldn't expose such enthusiasm outwardly, for fear it maybe seen as PRIDE or DESPERATE or STUPID).

Just as I was asked to lead, I just felt that maybe can pray first so that I can kill time to think about what to do. There she goes again. I always love to present my BEST solutions for the ever problems. I didn't even had time to say Amen to Hwee's prayer. Then as he prayed finish, Linda appeared. I was like, I don't want to lead already. I was damn scared and so ready that she'll give me that look again and shoot her ridicule again.

But she didn't. I was wrong about her. Perhaps she isn't as scary as I thought. I used to think she portrays Ju JunBiao's AUNT in Boys Over Flowers; someone damn scary, over-powering, exaggerating. I guess it isn't that bad. I tend to over dramatise people, over dramatise situations, etc..because I'm also overly dramatised. Hmm, does this even make sense?

While I was leading the warm up, I felt that more than half the time I was looking at the ground than I was looking at the singers. That's something about me. I'm afraid when I look at people, they either give me that look of "I DON'T LIKE YOU" or "ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ME?" or "DO YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH"?

Sometimes I'm worried that as I smile on stage, looking forward at the congregation(not at the starry ceiling with wonderful lightings), people would thought I'm seductive. That's why sometimes I dare not smile. Coz the guys gave me some kinda look, which I don't think it's approving. I wanted to go up and say "I WASN'T LOOKING AT YOU".

Well...I'm always praying that God please don't let people misunderstand my smile or my looks. I'm just smiling to bring joy, not to bring bees around me or rotten eggs at me!!!

:: Trip to TOWN with Sister on 30th May 2009 ::

2009-05-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

Here are all pics taken with MY phone. The other pics in my sister's phone are lost, because her phone was stolen on Bus 7 during the journey from Douby Gaut to Bugis Street. Pickpocket followed us onto the bus and alighted after his motive has been completed. Darn..

I hope he'll be convicted till the point he has to return the phone for good. Today was the first time in my life (including my sis) to make a police report. It was really tedious and draggy. I thought I was filming a drama scene for Crime Watch, but things happened so much more than expected.

Beware. That's the word for today.

:: End Of School Life on 28th May 2009 ::

2009-05-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

It feels just like a dream, when all has suddenly come to a stop. Exams are over, and no more. (Until I start to do my CPA 1year later). I hit the shops, the malls all over S'pore. Orchard, Bugis, Vivocity were suddenly felt to be under my ownership. The feeling is great, I'm mentally renewed and refreshed.

I no longer want to be treated as young. However, I know that some elders still do so with helping mentality. I guess it also has to be how I compose myself during important sessions. I do admit to have a spark of defiance last night, hence it reflected back to me like a bark. Other than that, it wasn't that bad. It's just that I'm not ready to look at that person with a more gracious smile. He is now a non-existence fibre in the midst of every other human and architecture.

I was quite happy that I didn't have to plead to someone's instructions which sounded damn rude and damn MCP quality. I'm no longer a student who has to comply to instructions or otherwise would be subjected to punishments and ridicule. These are no longer mine. If someone ever makes it that way, it's time I'll rebel. I wonder why was I so lenient to the law-makers in school in those days. Some laws aren't humanly and it was brutally brought across. Yet I accepted that, even for something I don't deserve. Looking back, I really wanted to rebel for all the injustice I've suffered.

Anyway, plans for the future. They're vague and uncertain at the moment. But soon I know God will fan the film to make it clearer for reveal.