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Sunday, May 31, 2009

As frustrated as I was in the morning. I hold my cool, as I had to meet Regina and Sandie with ChingFeng who gave us a ride to PL; as it wasn't their fault for what I'm feeling. Just as I wanted to rest and have a peaceful morning, when I stepped into the toilet hoping there was no one, but I was wrong. There were voices and physical humans.


I tried not to let my overly grown frustration be thrown out against people I meet after my toilet trip. I tried to converse alittle with Hwee and Trina. Just as I thought I should step back and have nothing to do with anything in the morning, Hwee suddenly asked me to lead warm-up. I was like, "Eh....Okay". (Even if I had enjoyed doing so, but somehow I believe I shouldn't expose such enthusiasm outwardly, for fear it maybe seen as PRIDE or DESPERATE or STUPID).


Just as I was asked to lead, I just felt that maybe can pray first so that I can kill time to think about what to do. There she goes again. I always love to present my BEST solutions for the ever problems. I didn't even had time to say Amen to Hwee's prayer. Then as he prayed finish, Linda appeared. I was like, I don't want to lead already. I was damn scared and so ready that she'll give me that look again and shoot her ridicule again.


But she didn't. I was wrong about her. Perhaps she isn't as scary as I thought. I used to think she portrays Ju JunBiao's AUNT in Boys Over Flowers; someone damn scary, over-powering, exaggerating. I guess it isn't that bad. I tend to over dramatise people, over dramatise situations, etc..because I'm also overly dramatised. Hmm, does this even make sense?


While I was leading the warm up, I felt that more than half the time I was looking at the ground than I was looking at the singers. That's something about me. I'm afraid when I look at people, they either give me that look of "I DON'T LIKE YOU" or "ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ME?" or "DO YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH"?


Sometimes I'm worried that as I smile on stage, looking forward at the congregation(not at the starry ceiling with wonderful lightings), people would thought I'm seductive. That's why sometimes I dare not smile. Coz the guys gave me some kinda look, which I don't think it's approving. I wanted to go up and say "I WASN'T LOOKING AT YOU".


Well...I'm always praying that God please don't let people misunderstand my smile or my looks. I'm just smiling to bring joy, not to bring bees around me or rotten eggs at me!!!
Saturday, May 30, 2009














Here are all pics taken with MY phone. The other pics in my sister's phone are lost, because her phone was stolen on Bus 7 during the journey from Douby Gaut to Bugis Street. Pickpocket followed us onto the bus and alighted after his motive has been completed. Darn..
I hope he'll be convicted till the point he has to return the phone for good. Today was the first time in my life (including my sis) to make a police report. It was really tedious and draggy. I thought I was filming a drama scene for Crime Watch, but things happened so much more than expected.
Beware. That's the word for today.
Friday, May 29, 2009

It feels just like a dream, when all has suddenly come to a stop. Exams are over, and no more. (Until I start to do my CPA 1year later). I hit the shops, the malls all over S'pore. Orchard, Bugis, Vivocity were suddenly felt to be under my ownership. The feeling is great, I'm mentally renewed and refreshed.

I no longer want to be treated as young. However, I know that some elders still do so with helping mentality. I guess it also has to be how I compose myself during important sessions. I do admit to have a spark of defiance last night, hence it reflected back to me like a bark. Other than that, it wasn't that bad. It's just that I'm not ready to look at that person with a more gracious smile. He is now a non-existence fibre in the midst of every other human and architecture.

I was quite happy that I didn't have to plead to someone's instructions which sounded damn rude and damn MCP quality. I'm no longer a student who has to comply to instructions or otherwise would be subjected to punishments and ridicule. These are no longer mine. If someone ever makes it that way, it's time I'll rebel. I wonder why was I so lenient to the law-makers in school in those days. Some laws aren't humanly and it was brutally brought across. Yet I accepted that, even for something I don't deserve. Looking back, I really wanted to rebel for all the injustice I've suffered.

Anyway, plans for the future. They're vague and uncertain at the moment. But soon I know God will fan the film to make it clearer for reveal.

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