I came closer so that I can know so and so. But when we are so close, we felt like strangers. Trying to break into their clique can be tiring and heartrending. Sometimes I thought I knew them. But sometimes, I just felt do I really know them? Felt like strangers, though we stand in the same environment sharing oxygen. Sigh.
I guess I should stop trying to know people anymore. It's just tiring. I'll just stick to my friends whom I really know. And stop trying to mix around to befriend more people. I'll still welcome the newbies. But I will not attempt to go beyond. It just proves tiring and heartbreaking.
I thought I knew him a few years back. But somehow, now, I don't seem to know him. It felt like I never knew this person ever. It's just so cold the relationship can be. When I speak, it seems like he isn't listening. Sometimes I felt like I'm invisible, esp in crowds. Where friends mingle and talk, and I'll just shut-up and look around. Probably find a corner to hide and be with myself.
Why am I always with big crowds but still feel so lonely? Bcoz I don't really know anyone. Sigh.... I'm really afraid to be alone. Lord You know that. I'm so afraid to be alone. I cannot be alone. DOn't leave me..I know I still do unpleasant stuff, but Lord I can't live without You. I need You alot. Tell me what's wrong. Is there something wrong with me? Why aren't people talking to me? Why aren't people listening to me? Am I a freak? Do I appear freaky? Lord Jesus, I wanna hide under Your coat.
Was feeling really nervous at the meeting. But also felt excited. I asked my colleagues what should I bring for meeting. They were very helpful. Haha! I've entered the corporate world; I still belong to God. I see God's favor!
After lunch, took a cab down to the east of the east from International Plaza, to conduct outjob audit. Wow! I didn't expect the office to be quite posh, though it's SME. Pantry is open for us! Haha. OK...this shows I'm really a newbie. The client was quite nice and cooperative. Thank God for giving me courage to ask from client documents they did not provide. Also learnt from my senior how to persuade the client to produce document that they complained to be a hassle to draft out for us. Rationalise with accounts relationship and FRS in a polite manner and helpful tone. Cool!
The hassle was to bring a LARGE luggage bag from office to client's place with the documents needed to vouch, work on, etc. And also to bring them back. All happened with the help of taxi transport. I felt like I was on some business trip, pulling the luggage bag around. Haha! Quite cool too at the same time.
Started work this week as an auditor in an audit firm. Haha. My dept is surprisingly a really youthful group of people. Feels like campus cell. Haha. Work hasn't reached the peak yet, but I could feel the heaviness is slowly coming closer. Haha.
Being KS at work. I had to run home after work to revise my FR and POA stuff. Several stuff I've been rusty about...need revision. Slowly picking up my rusty memory. Need of ginko leaves and vitamin B complex. Haha..
At least this is a good ground that God has placed me to learn, grow and shine. I could see His plans. Thank you Jesus! I know each day why You place me here.
Alright...shall snap pictures of office the next few days....for now....nothing....haha.
