I came closer so that I can know so and so. But when we are so close, we felt like strangers. Trying to break into their clique can be tiring and heartrending. Sometimes I thought I knew them. But sometimes, I just felt do I really know them? Felt like strangers, though we stand in the same environment sharing oxygen. Sigh.

I guess I should stop trying to know people anymore. It's just tiring. I'll just stick to my friends whom I really know. And stop trying to mix around to befriend more people. I'll still welcome the newbies. But I will not attempt to go beyond. It just proves tiring and heartbreaking.

I thought I knew him a few years back. But somehow, now, I don't seem to know him. It felt like I never knew this person ever. It's just so cold the relationship can be. When I speak, it seems like he isn't listening. Sometimes I felt like I'm invisible, esp in crowds. Where friends mingle and talk, and I'll just shut-up and look around. Probably find a corner to hide and be with myself.

Why am I always with big crowds but still feel so lonely? Bcoz I don't really know anyone. Sigh.... I'm really afraid to be alone. Lord You know that. I'm so afraid to be alone. I cannot be alone. DOn't leave me..I know I still do unpleasant stuff, but Lord I can't live without You. I need You alot. Tell me what's wrong. Is there something wrong with me? Why aren't people talking to me? Why aren't people listening to me? Am I a freak? Do I appear freaky? Lord Jesus, I wanna hide under Your coat.